Lately I've been bothered by the word "better."
It's all over magazines I see while waiting in line at the grocery store or walking around in the library:
Find a better career
Tips for a better sex life
Tricks for better hair...make up...skin
Exercises to help you get a better body
The Christian world is not exempt either:
5 more minutes to a better quiet time
Have a better marriage
Be a better wife
Worship better in church, the car, doing dishes in the kitchen
Be a better version of who God made you to be.
No wonder I spend my days beating myself up, stressing myself out, going over my mistakes from the day as I fall asleep. I spend so much time trying to be better that I don't even know what I'm trying to be better than. I don't even know who I am right now, in this moment, because my days are filled with trying to be more...better. Because the literature all around me is telling me who I am right now is not good enough.
I'm calling this out as a lie. I'm choosing to start focusing on growth instead of making myself better. The words don't seem that entirely different until you take them by definition.
(Definitions from Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
*Better - higher in quality; more skillful; more attractive, appealing, effective, useful, etc.
*Grow - to become more developed, mature, etc.
I see being better as a competition and so I'm constantly comparing myself to other women around me. I see growth being a beautiful process that takes who I am now and over time adds to this woman.
I want to grow in wisdom.
I want to grow in knowledge.
I want to grow in strength.
I want to grow in love.
Maybe this only makes sense in my head. I don't know if anyone will relate. But I know that coming to this realization and the desire to stop pressuring myself to be better and instead appreciating who God made me to be and how I can grow in the depth of that person is like a weight off my shoulders.